Musings of a Thénardiess
by Ithilmir
Summary: POV Mme. Thénardier – what she really thinks. Look out lads… May I be forgiven.


**A/N: **I think I owe an explanation. In the UK there is a radio satire called "Dead Ringers" & once there was a string of duologues based on Anne Widicombe imagining impossibly romantic situations with men who are not in the least bit interested. Recently I remembered a line Hugo wrote saying how Mme. Thénardier used to read romance novels, and if you know who Anne Widicombe is you will see where I get the comparison. Anyway, I decided to do a "Les Miz" take on it. Enjoy… or not, as the case may be.

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_Marie, the gorgeous pouting virgin…_

Well, no; virgin isn't right. Being married and three kids later how could anyone possibly be a virgin?

_Marie, the gorgeous pouting almost-virgin sat in the office, trembling under his watchful gaze. He stood there, back to the fire, his enormous presence filling the room; broad shoulders fixed squarely from which hung his long dark coat, seeming to shroud him in some deliciously gothic mystery, but at the same time also reminding the helpless maiden of his unquestionable authority._

"Damn it! Agh… Who's been messing with this bloody stove again?"

_For minutes, maybe hours he stands there, revelling in the thrill of toying with her emotions. He moves to sit at the desk, his mesmerising gaze locking this helpless bird in a cage, watching with glee as the delicate wings of her heart flutter futilely against the bars._

"Right now… Jondrette, isn't it? No matter – true or false it'll do for the moment."

_But for all his rigid formality, his cold and harsh words, she could not mistake the smouldering look in his dark, mercilessly seductive eyes. She could sense his lust for her, desire radiating from his body like some raw magnetic aura of animal passion; those coarse gypsy hands itching to take her in his arms, stripping her of her virtue and subjecting her milk-white bosom to his forceful caresses…_

"Now, madame, the charges standing against you, namely the attempted assault of a police officer, are certain to land you a stint in the Madelonnettes. However, the courts may be persuaded to be a little more lenient when passing out sentence if you might, shall we say, volunteer certain pieces of information about your husband and his associates' recent activities – starting with who exactly this 'gentleman' they were holding was and what the hell you were up to. I imagine…"

…_his cruel but compelling features like those of an ancient deity carved of stone; beatific but severe as he made her an offer she couldn't refuse._

"Perhaps you could provide us with a name? There is ink and paper here – you can read & write, can't you?"

_His question was simple, yet penetrating, annihilating her defences as his voice rumbled like that of a thunder god._

"Are you listening to me? Well? I am not forcing you, but I will remind you that there could be considerable benefits if you decide to co-operate. The Prefecture only makes such an offer once; to refuse would be a grave mistake."

_How he pressed her for her answer, his words bearing more force than had he held her up to the wall and struck her across the face._

"You're seriously trying my patience, woman; let's have your answer."

_Her answer, her choice _– _as if he did not know how helpless she was, how useless it was for her to even think of refusing! Once more he turned his attentions on her, his voice screaming with lust as he demanded her answer for the final time…_

"Come on, you daft old bint, is it yes or no?"

"Of course it's yes! A thousand times yes! Fetter me in the shackles of your body and lock me in the prison of your lips! Unsheathe your sword of Justice and plunge it into the quivering bosom of my imperfection! Take this gorgeous pouting almost-virgin in your arms and devour her with your engorging passion!"

Javert sat frozen behind the desk as if he had in that second been petrified; eyes wide with shock, fingers poised mid beat on the wooden surface, mouth dropped slightly open in disbelief.

"Right…" he said meekly, the tiniest hint of fear entering his voice. "I'll… take that as a 'yes' then."


End file.
